I really tot that i'm ready for the worst and i dun care anything abt the damn results anymore...i dunnooo...when i saw xinyu crying...i tot...but...i really dunno.
And today is like i have to beg mr tay to teach me....somewhat i feel thiis way...actually wan ting is right abt sth...mr tay can get so irritated by me so easily is because of the long term accumulated (constant questioning of stupid qns).He said that a stupid student doesn;t need a teacher as well...den is he tryin to say that in my case..i am hopeless?He wanted me to apologize bcus of the previous entries and that he dun wanna see my face...kept askin me to go look for my tutor at home instead.even though i have more qns...i dare not ask...you can see or sense that he...juz want me to piss off?that i'm not sure thou.
But...i have to say okie...first...so wat if he has seen my blog...he shouldn't mention it as and when he like,right? Secondly..i dun actually mean what i say...i'm just exagerating things sometimes.And thirdly.....yes..no doubt i mention forget abt mr tay teaching me...but i'm desperate for someone who can teach me physics,and so i dun care who teaches me as long as i can learn...it's because i'm afraid of him now..i dun dare to ask him qns...he cannot stand students askin him fundamental basic concepts which he may have repeated many times...you may not see it or feel my seriousness abt improving my physics...u tink i dun wan to learn my basics well..once and for all?intellectual...what is it actually?my brain works accordingly to who i am...and not anyone else.
He's actually demoralizing me at this period of time.He's actually like judy tan.When Bin hua ask her which i noe like real stupid qn...she shld jus be glad tt at least he's asking her and not keeping mum abt stuffs he doesn't understand.But she jus said that at this point of time...u are still asking me this type of qns?what have you been doin?ya...all teachers are like that...no matter how good u may be in chem,phys or maths.And to tink that tml we have to arrange to see her for consultation bcuz we score O and F.How she teaches or where she stands..our class gladly noe oursleves very welll...she shouldn't be suan-ing us as if we were all gone case.
Mr loke have been giving encouraging comments like wat yu have said..but i still dun dare to approach him for qns...he's too scary out of all the teachers.Mr Yee too have always been very encouraging...he's being optimistic i tink...lets hope.
So my prelim results----
GP-41/100(D7)--slight improvement but marks vary alot each time,so doesn't make a diff
Chemistry-38.5/100(O)-Expected but should work harder,really drop alot since O lvls
Physics-44.6 rounded up to 45(E)-jus manage to pass but it was real disappointing,expected higher
Maths-Not confirmed,but should be (D)
trying to figure out what mr kwek means by the 3Rs
[*] starred at 1:18 AM
9/27/2006
P.S.KFC.Cafe Cartel.Shop.Neoprints.The Face Shop.Photo Taking.Train.Home Sweet Home
Jestyn~Mabel~Yucai~YiYuan
TJC phys prelim paper so difficult...dunno how to do =(
[*] starred at 11:39 PM
9/25/2006
Today is the last day i'm taking a break away from school...after the "long" break...been slacking long enuf.I'm not yet really to plug myself into the power point inside my room and leave myself to get charge up till the 1st oct.I cannot change the habit of "waiting till the last min to get things done"...i dun like to do so too...but it can't be help cus i'll be out with my frens the next few days to cheer myself up before i start to chiong in this 1 month and 17 days long race.
I dunno how stress up i'm gg to get...i may break down anytime...but i hope i dun...for one day of mental failure means few days of depression....who noes what will happen the next day rite?Or even during the exams period?Although this is not a good way...but i'm sure panodols will help and i'm preparing 24 tablets for it.
I've been looking at my frens blog and deres one common line i would see...dat is to score well for the upcoming A levels.Who doesn't want to score score well...but i oso seen cases of ppl who put in a certain amt of hard work but does not get the equal amt of success.I rmb writing an GP essay,qn..Hard work or talent?which is better?I took my stand towards the hard work side but deep down...i noe i dun agree and dun experience the same conclusion that i took for my stand.
I tink i shall just be realistic abt what i can achieve or not achieve...i'm not gg to set any targets for the A's for the higher your aim is...the greater the disappointment you will have.As my mum have always tell me...girl...just try your best!!!
I really pin all my hopes on my tutor to help me now...hope i can absorb watever she says from now till the A's.She's the only one i can rely on other than myself.
Going to meet up with jestyn and mabel tml for dinner...elton for movie on thurs(haha...he volunteered)....hope i can still have the mood to crap with them after checking of the papers in sch.
[*] starred at 3:17 PM
9/24/2006
AHHHH...my whole body was aching when i woke up today...that goes to show how little i've exercised ever since we stopped pe in school.Woke up earlier today to wait for my tutor to come but she told me she having diarrhoea due to excess consumption of nasi lemak.Haiz...den i have nothin to do for the next two hours le.So i switched on the DVD player and watched one of the dvds that chewy lent me on sat.Chewy was rite..the "Movie Date" was a no brainer comedy show.I was luffing from the very beginning and i noe my maid was also watching it behind my back....to make it simple...she was eating snake la.Yea...most of the time i was rolling on the floor and laughing like mad...and after that...i had to ask her to help me up cuz i couldn't move at all...gosh...and now my buttocks hurt too...Wanted to watch ice age 2 too...but i din understand what was gg on and so i went to bed again after 5 mins.
I was so free such that i decided to try the nyjc 2004 phys prelim paper 1 and 2...crosses XXX all over.No time to ask my tutor tml cuz i've decided to spend the rest of the tym working on my chem.I wish that Jack was with me now.Mr tay?forget it...dun wan to end up being frustrated again.For the time being...i shall juz work on my chem first.
[*] starred at 10:51 PM
9/23/2006
Brunch at swensens in the morning...it was close to lunch time but i was not very hungry.But i still force the food down my empty stomach.I still have to eat eventually.So i had a salmon and mushroom baked rice...the rest of em' had chicken baked rice.Jes ordered fish baked but samantha ate it by mistake...cuz of the waitress who told us it was chicken.Anw...sammy couldn't make out the difference btw chicken and fish.
I helped them save money and shimu said tt shifu will be very proud of me cus i did something useful w/o his guidance...hehe!!yea...so we ordered the ice cream which was on the hse cuz its sammy's b'day..3 scoops of ice-cream shared and we all left swensens with a full stomach but empty pockets.Total cost of 70 plus.
took some pics with chewys cam but too bad her com spoil...cannot upload..gonna do so in sch on tues.Den we proceeded to take neoprints...lots of commotion while taking and designing the pics...but we had one pic missing and green spots appeared instead.Went to buy jy's album at sembawang music store which cost me another 21 bucks.Shopped for pris and jes's belated belated b'day prez but only jes manage to grab a blouse at giordano. They wanted to get home early...so we ended the walk in j8 at 3 plus....argh...still so early...i haven step out of my hse ever since the day prelims ended and now i have to get home.But i've gt jy to accompany me thru'out the bus tr
ip home.
Lying in bed for less than half an hour and here comes chewys msg...askin me whether wan go play badminton at punggol cc...tgt with serene.wanted to take a short nap before gg to meet them at 6pm.So when i was abt to slp...comes Sheng En's sms...his msges always come at the wrg tym. Close my eyes for abt 10 min and times up...diao....
I ended up late and i met a new fren...serene's senior,grace.They booked the court for an hour only but since no one booked the other court...we played happily till 8.45pm...haha..friendly match durin the last 15 mins...i lost to grace and chewy lost to serene...emerging champion was grace...guess i was too tired to carry on...not trying to deny the fact tt i'm lousy but i really din take the game seriously...ended up 3-7...lol....took some pics and home sweet home.
PS.Mr tay was very well-informed of our whereabouts...but shld have let tricked him and ps him...haha
[*] starred at 11:41 PM
9/21/2006
It was not untill 11pm when chewy msged me and told me tt our chem results was up on litespeed.Only paper 1 results as up on net...i got 18/40...third lowest in class...i knew it...an O or F is guaranteed...of course chewy and yu zhu scored much higher...but chewy muz be disappointed with her results too.When i saw the answer schemes for paper two and three...i estimated 33/??? for paper 3.
I called yu zhu to inform her about it.We chatted thru'out the nite from 11.19.19pm to exactly 3.00am when her hp batt went flat...such a coincident...at 3am sharp.For 3hr and 41 mins.It has been a long time ever since i chatted with my frens for hours...ever since sec 3...and even more surprisingly with yu zhu.The line got dc a few times whenever i switched from the phone base to the cordless phone and vice versa.The phone was buzzing away...i was not near the fan..i din noe why?it was terribly hot...and i couldn't get near the fan for it could make the buzzing worse.We chatted almost about everything..from the results...to mr and mrs tay... to mr loke...her sis blogs and sleeping behaviours...our family members...the royal family members...sam's bday prez...IMF...zoos and chewy...jun yang and foo...our frenz and teachers....silblings age gaps etcetera...dats all abt it as far as i could rmb.
ps.yu zhu..thanx for accompanying me thru'out the nite...at least i could go to bed w/o having to tink abt the chem results...cuz i was exhausted..hehe.
sat is gg to be samantha's b'day..royal family members and yu rong may be celebrating over lunch tml at either j8,bugis or orchard in the afternoon.Sam wanted to treat us to swensens earthquake and take neoprints...will put them up after that.Happy 18th b'day samantha.I will be buying jy's album on sat as well =)finally.
[*] starred at 4:27 PM
9/20/2006
yea...prelims over.Lemme tok abt the phys paper first.paper 1...i learnt my lesson and skipped whatever qn i din noe how to do so..but after the paper...i knew i had fallen into many traps set up by the cunning teachers.esp the op amp qn...i tried the first threee options and the third one satisfy but never wld i have tot that the voltage wouldn't match...oh well..and the last qn...i wrote D at first but i changed it...untill i confirm with Zhi Yuan again..i knew another two marks gone.Paper two..i spent the first 5 mins pondering over wat disadvantages could the potientiometer has...i noe i rmb readin that but i've completely forgotten..try to tink of some common sense ans but brain was not working.look at the second qn..i went huh???no values given and want me to prove tt z=0.4??later gt to noe from chewy tt we have to use the kinematics eqn...wtf...i wouldn't have tot of tt even if i have the notes with me den.so the rest of the paper was struggling to finish it...i tink i skipped two parts of the e field qn w/o even looking at the qns so tt i will have time to do the data analysis qn.but when i looked at it...i knew once again..i was finished!!!Worse still..i knew they wanted two values from the second graph and i so stupidlly went to cut the zero point...but i had no time to change and i cont with watever i was left with.
Finally can go home to take a rest.As usu...we walked to the interchange.but this time chewy and i din ran to catch the bus for we can now afford to wait for the next one to arrive.Suggested gg to cp for a walk and so we ended up walking for hours.Was inside the newly opened Watsons...very big with lotsa new goodies...hehe...we happen to walk pass the health corner and we chance upon the pregnancy kit...it cost 49 dollars..omg...it was so ex...some more not accurate de.Next was the popular and i finished flipping thru the whole book.jun yangs album was not on the chart anymore...sobz sobz.but outside sembawang store had a big big poster of jun yang..love it man.Went to eat laksa...with lotsa tau pok inside chewy's bowl and lotsa hums inside mine...we exchanged our ingredients...hehe..next tym we shall have mee siam with no hums instead.
I din sleep when i gt home but went online instead.I can tell you...this could be the happiest moment of my life such that i'm willing to forgo everything just to read this message.
From:
Ande
Date:
localDateTimewithTimezone("9/16/2006 5:27 AM","timetag1","SG");
Saturday, 16 September, 2006 8:27 PM
Subject:
hello
Message:
Hi Yiyuan, what a surprise! nice of you to remember me after 5 yrs?How have you been? I still remember you as the little girl in sec 1 back in 2001 and now you are in JC already. Time really flies.. I seldom use friendster, you can mail me @ xxxxx@singnet.com.sg or my mobile xxxxxxxx. Take care alright!RegardsAnde
Did u all see that...although i took the initiative to add him first...he send me a msg thru friendster acct first.I had wanted to send him a msg today as i've told chewy ytd but now..he have already done it first.No one is able to understand how i feel at this point of time...i knew i was overjoyed but at the same time i was afraid...i just had this feeling somehow tt i will not be able to connect with him again.I'm scared.And while i'm typing this now...my eyes is filled with tears once again.
I saw tt he oso added Wan Ting recently and so i sms wan ting and she told me that it was she who added him beacuse Ande thru me have oso gone to view her profile.And and they were going to meet him for dinner later today.I felt devastated almost immediately...and for once..i regret adding him for i din wan him to get into contact with them again. I was the first to get to noe Ande in peicai and introduces wan ting and gang to him...i regretted it.But nevertheless...whats not to be done have been done...the damage have been made.
I sms-ed him
me:heya..yi yuan here..Glad to see ya msg after my last paper for prelims today..hehe.Heard that u gg to meet wan ting and gang for dinner later..have fun ya![i knew i did this juz to let him noe tt i've not been invited to go]
Ande:Hey u not coming?[i knew tt he wld ask me along]
me:I dunno abt it until i asked wan ting today..yup[i was trying to show him how i was being neglected by them]
Ande:Hey it ok.Are u free later?Just come down and meet !
me:Nah...after exams vey tired le..wanna go sleep.Pai seh ar..first time u ask me out den i dun wan go..u all next time got meet den inform me again ba :)
Ande:Alright.But u cannot turn me down e next time alright!
me:Yea...provided it's not near the A levels ya...Haha..it's a promise!
So we ended our "conversation" here.My birthday wish for the past four years was to meet up with him one more time..and now i finally have the chance and i actually rejected it..am i crazy?Do you all really tink tt it was because i was tired and want to go sleep and tts y i refused to go?In fact,i was frightened....i dunno what to say when i see him again.And i noe i din wan to meet him in this present state of mine...i knew the other three gals would have doll themselves up and dress up with skirts and nice blouses tgt with make- up...but i dun have skirts...neither do i noe how to put on make-up.One word...its inferiority.I hope he can sms me first the next tym round.
20/09/06
I was online the entire day....i din want to touch my notes for the time being...not even re arrange them.I got into friendster to add some more frens.Was chatting with wan ting in msn the whole day till 2 plus.She sent me the potos that they took with ande ytd and we exchanged potos of AJ(mr foo) and jun yang.I tried to ask her everything abt ytd w/o sounding too obvious.She told me Ande was getting married next year,tgt with her gf whom they have par tuo for threee years(i knew this would come) and he's now an asst manager.. into banking.Ande wanted to meet them at Serangoon Gardens and he drove them home.Cafe cartel.She oso told me tt he asked about me...haha...how i wish i could ans them myself. Him.....his car(looks similar to my dads car)...the three gals.
[*] starred at 2:20 PM
9/18/2006
15/09/06
Here i am again...and i'm gg to write a continuation of what happened last fri 150916.After blogging,i went to log on into friendster which i've haven been doin so for ages...I decided to search for my long lost frens account using the search engines.Found some but not all...but i added one very important person..guess who??Ande NG...needless to mention actually but i insist on doin so in case i forgot myself...his account was juz a pic of a car and a X-ray mind...and i was not sure if tt the acct was his..i looked further down and saw his one and only testi which mention sth abt their memories in ai tong pri.I recall he was frm tt sch too n so i decided to give it a try and add him anw...i will try ways and means juz to locate him down...but i dun hope much...juz hoping tt he will accept my friend request ya.
So after the whole day of blogging...i decided to start my revision later in the night.But i received one sms from yu zhu and there goes my mood.I callled her to ask her abt my physics paper 3 results since she said she has seen them on bird's laptop.yupps..so i gt 48 out of 110 for the entire paper.I went to have dinner with huge chilli crabs on my dining table...but all i had was a huge pincher and a bowl of rice before i lockeed my myself up in the room and started worrying again;otherwise...i wld have been the last to finish up the remaining crabs.So again...i hesitated for awhile but still i sms tay to confirm the marks and to ask him my marks for qn 4 and 6 cuz i guess the marks would have been better if i had better time management rather than doin those last two qns in 20 mins time.but darn...he din want to tell...he could have juz told me tt he din wan to tell me instead of gg round abt...still tell me to conc on the rest of the 150 marks...but u noe there's sth call reverse psychology?I planned to study physics for today but i ended up looking at the first page of the capacitance notes from 9pm to 12am before i flipped to the next page.pathetic izzen it... and there goes tonight..nothing went in.
16 n 17/9/06
i mugged for stats...shld i say tt?but bcuz i was still affected by my phys score..i only manage to cover 3/11 chapters,leaving the rest of the 8 topics for tml and the monday morning.Mon morning....i was still gg thru hypo testing notes and touched only briefly for complex.
18/09/06
Maths paper 2...another killer paper.i was glad tt i din cover much for complex as i leave the entire qn blank.i started doin the first stats qn with lots of guessing...followed by blanks...blanks and more blanks for the next few qns before i started doin the rest of the paper.the qns were so unfamiliar to me...it was tougher than the mock paper from rjc i tink.
[*] starred at 1:36 PM
9/15/2006
Juz finished my last chemistry paper today...out of everything so far,chem was the worse.never had i felt tt my chem would be the "scoring"subject for approaching towards eggs and more eggs.Concepts was getting unclear as i study more.
Whatever...i am prepared for the worst to come.Hit me as hard as you can so tt i will wake up.
My sis started working in Mac...perhaps the cp or hm outlet..and i got to noe abt it juz ytd as well.Maybe it may seem fun for them to work as they study cus it's an entirely new experience but never will they have guess the attitude of customers if ever something crops up.She was overjoyed when she pass the interview test ytd...but was she ever that happy when she knew she had scored a band 1 or something?Nah...everything concerning school and schoolwork was out of her "discussion" area except her gang of friends who are willing to spend the entire day toking to her on the hse phone and hp simultaneously....thru the day and night...and distracting me at the same time even with the slightest bit of when i coop myself up in the room.I am starting to feel quite useless...dare not go out to work or noe how to find a job after the O lvls;yet do not want to rely on my parents.Somewhat...although i'm in a JC and always assumed to be smarter than my sis who's in normal tech...i noe she will do beta than me in the far future..I'm not the study kind..neither am i the one who can hold odd jobs or even managerial position...so i tink i'm gg to change my mindset and concentrate on getting on the right path to becoming a tai-tai..heh.
Ohya...today's my mum's birthday.But oops...i forgot all abt it until she mention abt gg to swensens today...what a filial daughter am I.Anw..i forgotten abt my dad's one too but who cares...our family doesn't cel bdaes anymore after i was age 12.
Still have not found anyone to watch a movie with me but i'm determined to go for one myself even if there was no one to accompany me.Our class ppl i can dun even bother to ask le la...not say very close.Some day after the prelims ba...
[*] starred at 3:51 PM
