5/19/2006
I've finally decided to reply after all.Honestly speaking,i really no longer bother whether u and I are friends now are just two childish friends having cold war with one another now.All i noe now is to carry on with my life with whatever tt is left,my sch teachers,classmates or even close frens.At first i was concerned,i wanted to console you after what happened to you after block test,i wanted to forget everything and juzt stay by you.But i realize i can't do it after all.I have a strong pride as well.I have never in my entire life apologize to my friends whom i've have let down and i dun tink i ever will.I shall repeat for the last time,no matter whether i noe whether it was my fault or not,i just will not relent and say sorry.But this definitely does not mean tt i do not treasure our friendship.You've seen how i treated jie yan,cried bcuz of him,know how much i treasure my friendship with him.I do not know him better than i noe u but i still treasure my friendship with him.But even till now,do u see me talking to him?I am concern abt him and still prayed for his bro...but i nv even once went up to console him or send an sms to show tt i care.I really feel sorry for myself for being brought up this way and i have only myself to blame if the whole world dislikes me and tt i have no friends.What happened to you and me is just one of the many occurence i've experienced.My ex-frens do take a step further and apologize to me even when i'm at fault but i've nv once came to accept this fact as much as i want to.I do treasure our friendship and,miss the times tgt.It jus times when i feel irritated when u kept mentioning those SAKAE times and take that to "threatened" me and saying that i'm not a gd fren or shld return u the favor for you accompanying me.But shouldn't frens do that,vice versa,w/o asking for anything i turn.But i do noe the childish side of me as well..playing along with you and saying tt i've returned you the favor by lending u my notes PS:I really dun like ppl to mess up my notes.Ok...forget abt all these.I still need to thank you for the times tt you've been for me.I noe part of the reasons why i do not want to apologise,firstly is bcuz i have strong sense of pride and secondly is bcuz i noe i will nv become close frens with you again and in fact feel awkward even if we were to become friends again.I cannot treat as if nothing happened when it indeed has,like u and chewy.Similarly,just like what happened to me and Justin,if u noe what happened.I am still afraid of justin although we have become friends again .But we become friends again not bcuz i apologised but because we are classmates and it's difficult not to be on talking terms when we are doin project tgt.I feel awkward not talking to you in grandstand,tried not to take the same bus back as you,tried to even bring myself to hate you...but what for...this will only bring misery to myself.I have not been visiting your blog as i noe what you've wrote is no longer any concern to me until queen and chewy told me abt what you've written abt us.ANW,all i want is to remain as what we are now...i do not ask for ya forgiveness or whatsoever...i really dun care what consequences i will face now...
[*] starred at 5:43 PM
